The Quran

Preface

الرِّجالُ قَوّامونَ عَلَى النِّساءِ بِما فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعضَهُم عَلىٰ بَعضٍ وَبِما أَنفَقوا مِن أَموالِهِم ۚ فَالصّالِحاتُ قانِتاتٌ حافِظاتٌ لِلغَيبِ بِما حَفِظَ اللَّهُ ۚ وَاللّاتي تَخافونَ نُشوزَهُنَّ فَعِظوهُنَّ وَاهجُروهُنَّ فِي المَضاجِعِ وَاضرِبوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِن أَطَعنَكُم فَلا تَبغوا عَلَيهِنَّ سَبيلًا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كانَ عَلِيًّا كَبيرًا

Yusuf Ali

Men are the protectors¹ and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband?s) absence what God would have them guard.² As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first),³ (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly);547-A but if they return to obedience, seek not against them⁴ Means (of annoyance): For God is Most High, great (above you all).

Qawwam: one who stands firm in another’s business, protects his interests, and looks after his affairs; or it may be, standing firm in his own business, managing affairs, with a steady purpose (Cf. 4:135 and 2:228).
Or the sentence may be rendered: “and protect (the husband’s interests) in his absence, as God has protected them. If we take the rendering as in the text, the meaning is: the good wife is obedient and harmonious in her husband’s presence, and in his absence guards his reputation and property and her own virtue, as ordained by God. If we take the rendering as in the note, we reach the same result in a different way: the good wife, in her husband’s absence, remembering how God has given her a sheltered position, does everything to justify that position by guarding her own virtue and his reputation and property.
In case of family jars four steps are mentioned, to be taken in that order: (1) perhaps verbal advice or admonition may be sufficient; (2) if not, sex relations may be suspended; (3) if this is not sufficient, some slight physical correction may be administered; but Imām Shafi'i considers this inadvisable, though permissible, and all authorities are unanimous in deprecating any sort of cruelty, even of the nagging kind, as mentioned in the next clause; (4)-if all this fails, a family council is recommended in 4:35 below.
Temper, nagging, sarcasm, speaking at each other in other people’s presence, reverting to past faults which should be forgiven and forgotten-all this is forbidden. And the reason given is characteristic of Islam. You must live all your life as in the presence of God, Who is high above us, but Who watches over us. How petty and contemptible will our little squabbles appear in His presence!